R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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