I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
