Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
