First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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