someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
