they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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