I am in a vortex of obligation.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
