I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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