wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
