I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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