wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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