he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
