R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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