dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
