I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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