Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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