the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
