She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
birth control should be required to get into college
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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