maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize