Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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