Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
