I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
