Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize