I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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