His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
