FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize