Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
