Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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