You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
