butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It's Friday. Sex?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
