Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
