True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
