Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
