the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
