i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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