My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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