i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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