So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize