I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
