Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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