im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
