I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
