I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
