i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
