Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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