Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize