Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
