So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
