Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
