which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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