I wanna bring you to show and tell
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
