dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
