Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
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