i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
