Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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