I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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