Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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