my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
