People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
