I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
