Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
