after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
