I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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