there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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