remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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