i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
