True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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