I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
