My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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