Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
